Welcome to the official headquarters of my completely official backyard research program.
Hi, I’m Zoe. By day, I have a perfectly respectable job. By evenings and weekends, however, I become a part-time nature detective specializing in the suspicious activities of spotted lantern flies. For reasons I can’t fully explain, I’ve devoted an unreasonable amount of time to watching bugs, documenting their every move, and piecing together clues like I’m solving a tiny six-legged crime. This is especially confusing because bugs also completely creep me out. Somehow, I’ve managed to be both fascinated and mildly horrified at the exact same time.
This blog is a record of those investigations. Expect lanternflies, unexpected wildlife cameos, questionable theories, and the occasional moment where I briefly convince myself I’ve made a breakthrough worthy of the scientific community.
DETECTIVE REPORTS
- Excuse my French but…
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Last September, I discovered that spotted lantern flies are drawn to tall things. As a 6-ft person, I immediately felt personally at risk of being targeted* simply by existing outdoors. *To be fair, they don’t bite or sting. And recently…I found out it’s even worse. Apparently, they’re also attracted to … Continue reading Excuse my French but… - 🚨 PUBLIC APOLOGY 🚨
It has been brought to my attention by my one (1) loyal subscriber that I have failed in my duties as a nature detective and owe the public an apology. Here’s what happened… The other day I texted him: “I’m so creeped out sitting outside in my backyard. I don’t wanna feel like this on … Continue reading 🚨 PUBLIC APOLOGY 🚨 - OH HI, PHIL.
This is Phil: my resident backyard chipmunk. He’s a very busy little guy, sprinting around my yard all day making chipmunk size ditches in my potted plants, burying things he will probably forget about, etc. Last year, my wildlife camera caught Phil doing something that immediately caught my attention… Eating a spotted lantern fly. Fast … Continue reading OH HI, PHIL. - CASE UPDATE: I’VE RECRUITED BACKUP.
The investigation has officially expanded beyond my backyard. Last night I enlisted the help of my longtime partner in detective work, Sarah. Sarah works at a vineyard in upstate New York. Which immediately caught my attention because, in my mind, a vineyard should be a spotted lantern fly’s version of Disney World. After all, it … Continue reading CASE UPDATE: I’VE RECRUITED BACKUP. - Interesting Development…
New discovery… This evening, during my routine perimeter check, I did not find a single spotted lantern fly. Not one. I walked the yard once. Nothing. I walked it again because surely I had overlooked one. Still nothing. Just days ago, this place was crawling with them. In fact, one jumped on me just yesterday … Continue reading Interesting Development… - #IMPORTANT FOLLOW UP
If you read my 4th of July post, you may remember that last year I made a very important (and extremely niche) discovery: tiny little ants were happily eating the insides of a dead spotted lantern fly (stage:FULL GROWN). Naturally, I did what any responsible backyard scientist would do—I searched the internet. Nothing. No answers. … Continue reading #IMPORTANT FOLLOW UP - An Unexpected Development in the Lantern Fly Investigation
I’ll admit it. Lately, I’ve been feeling a little… disconnected from the investigation. Thanks to the smoke drifting down from the Canadian wildfires, my daily perimeter patrols have been put on hold. Normally, you’ll find me making my rounds with my trusty spray bottle (my preferred soapy solution for dealing with young spotted lantern flies), … Continue reading An Unexpected Development in the Lantern Fly Investigation - Do My Neighbors Think I’m Crazy?
The short answer? Probably. At this point, I wouldn’t blame them. Imagine looking out your window and seeing your neighbor slowly patrolling the perimeter of the yard with a mysterious spray bottle, stopping every few feet to inspect leaves like she’s investigating a crime scene…like a maniac on a mission. That’s me. Let the record … Continue reading Do My Neighbors Think I’m Crazy? - Happy 4th of July
In honor of the 4th of July, I want to clear up the story behind my cover image—a spotted lantern fly absolutely overrun by ants. This was one of those backyard discoveries that made me stop and think, “Should we be calling somebody?” At the time, I couldn’t find anything online suggesting scientists had documented … Continue reading Happy 4th of July - OK I’M #DISTURBED
OK IM #DISTURBED. Yesterday I learned something that genuinely unsettled me about my own backyard research. Last year, I was seeing spotted lanternfly nymphs everywhere—and even more strangely, their exoskeletons scattered all over the grass like empty little victories. I googled it at the time, and to be fair to me, there wasn’t much clear … Continue reading OK I’M #DISTURBED
ZOE ANN LARSON 